Twatter

To launch into today’s rant-a-thon; what is the point of Twitter? You know, the latest social networking craze to hit the internets that has every self-obsessed weirdo pawing at their iPhone or typing on their cookie-encrusted keyboard every time they blow their nose.

Twitter joins a long list of social networking sites claiming to be the last thing you will ever need to stay connected with friends (because nobody appears to use the phone these days), and like its cousins, Twitter has a function specific to it’s users; Facebook is for people who have a kind-of social life but like to think that everyone loves them regardless of personality flaws, Myspace is for people with imaginary social lives, and Bebo is for people who have clearly never heard of Facebook.  Twitter is for people who think that their every movement is a significant world event.

Twitter is apparently just as awesome as Facebook, according to the people that use it, but I beg to differ. The difference between Twitter and it’s more elaborate goliath of a counter-part, Facebook, is that the latter actually has a use. I myself own an account on Facebook, and despite the constant inundation of useless updates telling me that “Bob has taken the Which Pokemon Are You? Quiz and is a Magikarp”, it’s a wonderful tool for getting invited to parties and other events.  Twitter appears to serve no other purpose than to inform someone you’ve probably only met once that you’ve just come back from an awesome party that they weren’t invited to. 

Out of sheer curiosity I visited the Twitter website to see whether or not I was wrong in my assumption that Twitter has no apparent purpose. It seems that the developers also have no real clue about what it’s for;

“Why? Because even basic updates are meaningful to family members, friends, or colleagues—especially when they’re timely.

• Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know.
• Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful.
• Partying? Your friends may want to join you. “

Translation: Buggered if we know.

I suppose if you read between the lines, the only real use of Twitter is to help the crazed ex-boyfriend that has been stalking you for the past 3 months  by telling him your every movement  so he doesn’t have to sit in a bush outside your house with binoculars.  Even the people that subscribe to your twitter feed are called “followers”. Think about that before informing the world that you’ve just popped into W H Smith.

So, if you’re the kind of person who thinks that everyone should know every time you fart or play scrabble, then go ahead, get a Twitter account today! I can’t  say I didn’t warn you. To quote Newsweek, “all the world's a-twitter” with the mating calls of  14,590,000 birds who want you to know what they’re doing right now.